Karaoke Confessions
by tabbycat415
Summary: Valentines Day Blues Has Bella Down And Out Can A Couple Beers For Liquid Courage And Jasper Give Bella The Confidence To Tell Edward How She REALLY Feels? **Lots Of Cursing And Suicide Themes**
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**Of Beer and Karaoke**

_~Bella POV~_

Here I was, at this damned bar. Why did I even show up? Ah yes! It all came back to me now. Alice dragged me out on the joyous day; she promised that they wouldn't act like damn sappy love sick people. But hell, it was the day to celebrate love, I couldn't blame them. Valentines Day, the day for couples! Alice had Jasper, Rosalie had Emmet and Angela had Ben. Me? I _**thought**_ I did, but I was wrong. There's nobody for little old clumsy Bella. _Well fuck my life_.

I was nothing but a tag along. I took a drag from my beer. Valentines day blues hit me hard. Sure I had guys that wanted me, but what about the one I wanted? Well I was oblivious to him, an infinitesimal spec. I didn't amount to a fucking blip on his radar. He had that strawberry blonde whore.

_**Jealous much?**_

_No! She just got around. _

_**Yes you are.**_

_No I'm not, Just slightly envious of the man she was draped around._

My Adonis, Edward Cullen. That was the real reason I came out tonight. He was Alice's brother. And I was head over heels in love with him. No one could tell me other wise. Why? Because no one knew. _**Yet.**_

I can still remember Edward and I sitting in our favorite place, our meadow. It was a three mile hike up into the woods near my house. The size of the clearing was half of the football field at Forks high. We came there in secret. No one knew of our meetings. We would hold each other and whisper sweet nothings. I longed to look into emerald eyes and feel his smirk in our kisses. The feel of his hand as he slid them to my waist. We were meant for one another. We molded to one another. I knew I was never going to find another guy that fit me so perfectly. God how I missed his velvet smooth voice. I would do anything to hear him say _'Bella you're my life now. Nothing will ever make me leave your side.'_

That was the last time he ever met me there. There were no more random notes at my locker. Fucking hell I even missed his handwriting! That stupid beautiful girl! I hated her with as much passion as I loved Edward. I couldn't even get a goodbye! No sorry but I like blondes better? No I'm into models, but it was fun while it lasted? I should have known that he would have broken my heart. Deep down I knew I would never be enough; I was plain Jane. Like I said before invisible. Hell he didn't even tell Alice about us and that is his fucking twin!

But it's not like I told _pixie poo _either. I felt the tears prick my eyes so I chugged the rest of my beer. The bitter luke warm liquid coated my throat, I gulped it all and winced. It still didn't numb the betrayal I felt. Who ever said that alcohol was a downer and help you escaped must not of had their heart broken by their 'soul mate.'

"Whoa Bella slow down. That's your third beer. Your gonna get wasted." Emmet's voice boomed. He slid me water, I rolled my eyes and signaled for another beer. As I eyed the waiter Edward came in and he wasn't alone. Strawberry Shortcake was with him. She was wrapped around him like a damn leech, like she was trying to suck the rest of his humanity from him. What was left of his emotions were obliterated by that succubus. And that was what she was in my eyes. He just walked and she followed. His eyes looked empty and vacant. Nothing like the eyes I'd fallen in love with; the eyes that changed colors for me. God, Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller could see he didn't even look happy! Maybe I hadn't drunk enough yet. I didn't think I could take too much more of tonight.

"Drink it sweet heart. Please for me?" Rose chimed in, damn her and that pretty smile. If I were a lesbian I would _**so**_ steal her from Emmet. She stole me from my thoughts and I gave her what smile I could manage. I drunk a swig.

"See that wasn't so bad." Jasper said rubbing my back. He was like the brother I always wished for. Gotta love Jazz. He calmed me down and I didn't feel that heart-breaking feeling anymore. I felt a wave of contentment wash over me. Like my heart could and would heal. Wish I had that ability. I giggled for no reason. No I take that back. Jasper made me happy. Or was it the alcohol?

"Shit Bells your wasted! Laughing and no one has cracked a joke!" Emmet roared. He slapped the table making it shake.

"So what? I'm grown." I defended.

"I'm just saying you better be careful otherwise I'm going to have to carry you home again. Lord knows I love your entertaining ways though." He paused and then continued with "Never mind I will buy your next beer I'm trying laugh my ass off tonight." The whole table laughed as I turned tomato red. I hated how I couldn't hide my embarrassment and he had to pick at me. I loved that bat on steroids but damn him and him making fun of my clumsiness.

Alice nudged me and gave an apologetic smile. She knew I saw them come in. She knew that I was in love even though I hadn't told her what happened. I remember she found me in the meadow sobbing with everything I had left in me. She was hunting and heard me. "Oh little sugar plum. Come I will take you home." She said picking me up. The 4'11 psychic vampire tinker bell took me home. "I know your heart is broken and I have a clue who. Don't worry sweet. It will work out" _Yea you were right about that one Alice. It sure did work out._

"Tonight is karaoke night ladies and gentlemen. Please feel free and come on up!" A voice called from the stage. I heard a high pitch squeal from the other end of the table. It was Tanya. When did _they_ sit down with us? Maybe I was buzzed? She got up and picked a song. "Bet it's a white trash song, and she will butcher it." I mumbled. Of course With their 'bat' ears they heard. They howled with laughter. Hell so did I. I glanced across the table Edward glared at me. I faked scratched my face and flipped him the bird. Oh yea I was wasted. If I could do that then I knew it. And surprisingly it felt good to do it. Yay me! I had liquid courage.

"Alright I'm in on that bet. Ten bucks?" Emmet egged on. We shook. She picked 'I Love Rock N Roll' Brittney Spears style. I was handed ten bucks.

"Bet you won't get up there Bella" Alice joked.

"That is perfect! I'm on that one too!! Bella I knew you would entertain me yet!" shot Emmet. Did they not know I could actually sing. Nope they didn't! I could use a little extra cash. Alice knew though why would she do that? She must have had a vision. When I looked at her the look on her face said it all.

"I'm in too" Rose chimed.

"Well what the hell? Me too." Jasper said grabbing his wallet.

"I'm in. Bet she can't." Edward added. He had a glint in his eyes. It reminded me of when he would pick me up and slam me into a wall. _'Ah the good ole times.'_ I crossed my legs. He smirked at that. He remembered it to.

_** Just twist that knife further why don't you?! Bitch**_' I thought. "Your all on!" I threw down the two hundred and fifty I had in my wallet. They all matched me. I got up. Taking in half of my fourth beer. I wobbled to the book and picked a slow song. Something mama used to play. An oldie but good. Whitney Houston's "Saving all my Love"

When that dumb ditzy blonde finished she staggered toward me. "Top that."

"Plan to." was my answer.

"Bring it." She said cheerleader style. Emmet was howling at the table. If he could have cried he would of.

I walked onto stage. I 'tripped' on the last step. Damn heels I muttered. Emmet was on the floor laughing. 'He won't be laughing too much longer!' I got introduced and the music started. I waited for my cue. I didn't need the word on the screen I knew it by heart. I hummed along for until the Whitney started. Right on time every one quieted down and listened. I started off low and sweet, giving a fake falter here and there. I couldn't shame Emmet that badly at least not yet.

_A few stolen moments is all that we share  
You've got your family, and they need you there  
Though I've tried to resist, being last on your list  
But no other man's gonna do  
So I'm saving all my love for you_

Emmet still had that glint in his eye like he was winning his bet. I got more comfortable under their gaze. I knew that _he_ was watching too. I licked my lips and continued.

_It's not very easy, living all alone  
My friends try and tell me, find a man of my own  
But each time I try, I just break down and cry  
Cause I'd rather be home feeling blue  
So I'm saving all my love for you_

My voice didn't crack. I smirked and went higher. I danced a little on the stage. Swaying my hips. I ran my hands through my hair; teasing Edward. He said it used to drive him crazy because it brought my scent closer, teasing and taunting him. I thought of that day, when Tanya came into the picture. He was supposed to come over; Charlie was stuck in La Push. Something had gone wrong with his cruiser, so Jacob was working on it. That was the night I planned on giving myself; giving all my love to him. I was saving all my love for him. When he didn't show up I figured he went on an extra long hunt and came in late. When I woke up he wasn't there. Something was wrong. I looked for my lock box. It contained pictures of me and him; ones of us in the meadow. They were gone. I screamed, I shattered into a million pieces. When I went to school that day I had to know why.

_You used to tell me we'd run away together  
Love gives you the right to be free  
You said be patient, just wait a little longer  
But that's just an old fantasy_

And I got my answer. Oh how I remembered the broken promises. When I went to slip a note in his locker I saw him and her. She was pressed up against him. They were locked in a tight embrace. The ones he and I used to share in our meadow. He was kissing her. How my heart tore. It was like he was purposely doing it. Hell he might as well have sucked me dry there. I didn't want to live any longer. I seriously contemplated cutting my self just so he would attack me and I could die. I knew he could see the pain in my eyes. He just looked away; that coward. That was the last time I saw him in high school.

I sung my high notes. I could tell my voice was going to crack soon. My tears were going to fall. I couldn't fight the inevitable. _**Resistance is futile. **_I thought dryly. I shouldn't have picked this song. It ripped open the half healed wounds of my heart. _Fucking Miller Lite! Doesn't do shit!!! Im'a sue for false advertisement. _I knew that I had to make the best of it. I looked to Jasper for support. He smiled and instantly he filled me with pride. I should market Jasper! He was all the liquid courage I needed! I'd be a millionare! I could finally get Alice that yellow sports car she dreamt of.

I looked at Emmet. Boy did he look mad. He grumbled something to Rose and she just continued to watch me. Alice nodded toward Edward. His eyes, they looked like they were trying to stare into my soul. He was trying to read my thoughts. And he couldn't. What was that? Frustration, anger, confusion, happiness? There was something there. I didn't know what it was. That gave me courage. I looked directly into his eyes.

_I've got to get ready, just a few minutes more  
Gonna get that old feeling when you walk through that door  
Cause tonight is the night, for feeling alright  
We'll be making love the whole night through  
So I'm saving all my love  
Yes I'm saving all my love  
Yes I'm saving all my love for you_

I was singing to him, calling to his soul just like he did to mine. He used to call me his _**la tua cantante**_; his personal singer. My blood smelled so enticing to him it sung to him. I wished it was my heart that sung to him, then he would know that I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. All of him. He would always have the key to my heart mind, body and soul. And it was a shame, he didn't even want it. That rude beautiful mother fucker, he could at least give it back to me! He knew he had stolen my heart. Why steal something when you obviously didn't want it. Still I belted out my last lines. He needed to know I was serious. I glared at the airhead next to him. My next few lines were meant for her to get it. Just cuz she was with him didn't mean she could give him what I could.

_No other woman, is gonna love you more  
Cause tonight is the night, that I'm feeling alright  
We'll be making love the whole night through  
So I'm saving all my love  
Yeah I'm saving all my lovin  
Yes I'm saving all my love for you  
For you, for you_

Tanya was pissed! She looked like she was going to suck me dry, or snap my neck. I out did her. _**Beat that whore! **_I walked back to the table and was greeted by cheers and whoots. I gathered my things in a rushed fashion, Jasper watched desperately trying to calm me down, but the hole in my heart was too big for the false sense of fulfillment this time. I was going to break down at any moment. Thank God my bangs were covering my eyes. I didn't answer them as they called me to come back. I walked out of the bar tears flowing freely. At least I didn't cry in front of him. He didn't need to know that he broke me. Not even Jacob would be able to stitch me up. I hailed a cab.

"Don't go sweetie! Hell Bells I know your hurting but please for the love of all that tastes good! Don't Go!" Alice yelled. Damn that psychic, know it all pixie vampire! Those damn visions sucked. Then my rage consumed me.

"You knew that I was going to be in pain tonight why drag me? God Damnit!" I roared at her. I stumbled when I whirled around at her. Yea those beers were in full effect.

"Honey sometimes you have to hurt a little bit. I can guarantee that if you come back inside all you fears, doubts and pain will be gone." She cooed rubbing my back. I hugged her lithe frame and sobbed. I loved my marble pixie. She knew how to calm me just like my multi-million-dollar brother. I nodded and she brought me back in. I went to the table.

The blonde she devil man stealing whore was gone. Edward was looking through the song selections. _He wanted to sing? He can sing? _I heard the beat start to a Black Eye Peas song. My jaw drop in Emmet and Jasper were on stage. "Dear god they are not singing!" I laughed. Something about them singing 'My Lady Humps' cracked me up. As they came back to the table I heard Edwards voice. "This is for my La Tua Cantante." I gasped and felt the stinging of tears.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Of A Sober Mind and Regret Filled Heart

~Ewards POV~

When I walked in that bar I had no clue that _**she **_would be here. "Fuckin' Hell!" I just wanted to chill tonight. I had so much on my plate to deal with. And let's just say a good eighty percent had to do with Bella. I was feeling guilty for all that I had done to her. She was a free spirit when I met her. I should have stayed away. But nooo! Me being the masochistic lion I had fallen in love with a lamb.

Tanya, my date knew why I muttered my curse and slithered her arms round me. She growled at Bella. Thank God she couldn't hear Tanya, or me, what a pickle I'd be in. She knew what feelings Bella had for me and that, I reciprocated them. Why I turned and ran from them I have yet to discover. She thought about making Bella watch us have sex. A cruel and unusual punishment, I cringed at the thought. I couldn't believe she could be that evil, that vindictive. "Shut the hell up, I'm not your mate." I warned. Just cuz we fucked around didn't me she could do that, and I knew what she was thinking about doing to Bella. _**My Bella**_

As we sat down I recalled the first time I'd smelled Bella's blood. I smelled her even before I'd seen her. It was right after Thanksgiving break, Forks was exceptionally cold and windy. Her scent came with wind. She smelled of jasmine, vanilla and cherries; virgin blood. I remember gripping the lunch table to keep from trampling everyone in my way to feast on her. I was an alcoholic but this wine would have been better than any I had ever tasted. Jasper was the one who stopped me. "Calm down, we don't want you ruining this, we only have a little more time here." As he sent calming waves thru my veins, my inner demon raged. He had his sights on her. I stalked out of the cafeteria and fed.

Two mountain lions and a bear later, I came into biology slightly better. Then she came in "Why me?" I groaned. She looked horrified when she saw she had to sit next to me. _**Good you should be very scared. **_I scooted away from her as humanly possible and endured class. As soon as I could dart outta there at a human pace, I did. I needed to get away from her. I went to see if I could transfer but there was nothing for me. Thank God that was the only class I had with her.

I found out her name from Mike Newton. She was the focal point of his perverted thoughts. Her and him on the stage in the auditorium, not very imaginative, but the thought made me angrier than hell. I stayed away from her. Tried to at least but she haunted me. It had gotten so bad that I went into the secretary's office and sweet talked Bella's address from her. I started watching her in her sleep. I sat in the chair in the corner and watched her. I wondered if she knew she talked in her sleep. I remember her calling out to me once in her sleep. Damn I was a stalker. Everyone thought I went to hunt at night. I never told. I thought Alice knew, but if she did she never said a peep.

Snapping me out of my reverie was a high pitch squeal. "Eddie-bear, I going to sing for you!" Tanya tried to purr. I gave a smile that turned into a wince. Whoever came up with the urban legend that vamps could do anything and everything well they never met Tanya. Sure she had her good points but singing wasn't one of them.

"Bet it's a white trash song and she'll butcher it." Bella slurred. She was drunk! _**My Bella didn't drink. **_

Well evidently this _**wasn't**_ my Bella. I got mad at her for being drunk and glared hard. She pretended to scratch her face and flipped me the bird. I was stuck. Screw the fact she was talking trash about Tanya but she was drinking and flipped me off. It angered my beast that I didn't go over there and put her in her place, that I was letting her run wild. Emmet got in on the bet. Tanya picked one of the dumbest remakes that ever came out. "I Love Rock and Roll" Mother of all that is right didn't she know that I hated Brittney spears?!! Tanya singing + it being a Brittney spears song = Edward with a headache. _**SAVE ME TOM CRUISE!! **_

I watched Bella interact with my family. The image of our first kiss came to mind. We were sitting in the meadow. She knew who and what I was and still wanted to be around me. She didn't care. Her words were "Your choices and the acts that you do define you character. You decide your fate. Not him." I was so moved by her devotion and feelings, I pulled her into an embrace. "Bella I want to try something. Just don't move." I'd told her. I grazed my lips over hers, they were so soft and delicate; fragile. I felt her pulse quicken and loved the way the blood rush to her face and neck. My beast wanted to change her, make her his mate. I objected. I wouldn't be the one to take her soul. I refused to make her a marble model. I loved her blush- fully bashful and clumsy. Along with the fact she would change, she would grow old, like she was suppose to. That was one of the reasons I loved Bella. I wouldn't take that from her. Her future to be normal and not have a beast control her. Alice egging Bella into bet caught me pulling me out of my memories.

"Bet you won't get up there Bella"

"That is perfect! I'm on that one too!! Bella I knew you would entertain me yet!" shot Emmet.

"I'm in too." Rose chimed.

"Well what the hell? Me too." Jasper said grabbing his wallet.

"I'm in, bet she can't." I called out. Everyone's eyes were on me, their thoughts going a mile a minute. I smirked at her and she blushed crimson. Fuck how I wanted her. I missed her so. My pride and love for mortality kept me at bay. I longed to hear her voice. I knew she could sing. I once snuck in on her during Christmas break. She was in the shower. She was singing a Christmas ditty. "It's Cold Outside" was the name. My Bella was my _**la tua cantante. **_As Carlisle called her; my personal singer. Her blood sung to me, put me in a trance. And that was just a start on the long list of reasons why I loved her. The fact she could really sing was another. I knew she gave in because of me. At least I _**hoped **_so. She got up and went through the book I watched her as she slid her finger over the pages.

"If she wins this bet Edward your getting up there and singing too" Emmet said glowering. I knew it wasn't because of the money we bet. Money we have. I waved him off and watched her. Her eyes lit up and I knew she had picked her song. Finally Tanya was done prancing around the stage. She reminded me of a retarded reindeer _**THANK YOU BABY JESUS!! **_I thought. I hoped Tanya wouldn't approach Bells but she did. Tanya couldn't of been more of a valley girl if she tried at that moment. Jasper and Emmet keeled over from the sight.

"Top that.." Tanya said staggering. _**Was she drunk. She knew better than to drink. Oh well I wasn't gonna have to put up with her to much longer.**_

"Plan to" Was Bella's feisty answer. I perked up at the confident Bella. I loved shy Bella but this one was arousing. .

"Bring it" She said cheerleader style. _**Stupid girl.**_

"Can somebody say drama queen?" Rose offered. Alice nodded

I watched Bella. True to her nickname from Emmet, Queen Clumsy of Klutz-ville, she tripped on the last stair. Tanya snickered. "Ugly bitch." she called. I was enraged. "If you ever call _My Bella_ anything but her name I will rip you apart just like they did James and Laurent. Are we understood?" She feebly nodded and whimpered. I looked back at my group. Emmet and Rose were shocked.

'_You fucking tell her Edward!'_ Jasper thought with a smirk.

'_I fucking knew it!' _Alice thought with a shit eating grin.

I was amazed at her voice. Who knew that just her singing could have an effect on me? Though I shouldn't be surprised. Was she really so in love with me? Did I dare hope? Could she still love me even thought I left her alone and in the dark? Was she truly that compassionate toward a masochistic lion like myself?

She was my singer literally and metaphorically. I wanted to take her and make her mine; forever. And that scared me. I had an epiphany, _which_ was why I ran. I was scared of taking away her choice. Her ability to live and be around normal family. It felt like light was opening up my dark world. I was saddened by it as well. I needed her. Like she needed air; like I needed to feed. As she belted out the last part and hit her notes I knew then that she was truly singing to me.

She stared at Tanya, making sure she understood that no one was going to love me more that her. Tanya growled in reply, an image of her draining Bella crossed her mind and I gripped her arm. "Leave now before I kill you where you stand." She looked at me in disbelief. So I reiterated it. "I meant it fuck off." And with that she left.

I continued watching _**my**_ singer. She looked beautiful under the lights, her pale skin aglow like her aura was shinning. Her brown hair flowed beautifully down her back. I watched her as she came back to the table.

Emmet mumbles "pick your song boy!" Crap I'd have to sing. That was okay, I was alright with it. I had an idea and knew what I would sing to her. If she could be my singer I would try and be hers. I got up and asked the guy for a guitar. He thought he had one in back and went to go check. I looked around and saw Bella leave.

"Why?"

"You big dummy, do I have to say it?" Rose countered. I hadn't realized I had said it out loud. Jasper and Emmet had left the table.

"No but I plan on making it all right I promise."

"You better cuz this girl has it bad for you. She'd change for you and you know I'm not one to condone it, but that girl…" Rose pause her eyes speaking volumes. "Bella loves you, all of you Edward. No doubt bout it, even when you stole her heart and decided to smash it." I winced at Rose's word. She was right and there was no one better than her to tell me the truth.

"Alice will bring her back." Jasper spoke and I prayed he was right.

Half a minute or so later Alice came back with Bella. She didn't speak or look my way. I made my way over to the host and took the guitar from him. I saw her laughing with Alice and Rose as I tuned it. Emmet and Jasper singing "My Lady Lumps" was funny. Damn and I didn't have a video camera. Oh well. When they got off sage I sat on the stool. Taking the mic I spoke. "This is for My la Tua Cantante. You know who you are." I paused licking my suddenly dry lips. "I meant it you know." I told her staring down at her. "You are my life now." I stated and started strumming the guitar and the music queued in.

_**I'm not a perfect person  
There's many things I wish I didn't do  
But I continue learning  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know**_

When I sang I thought of the day she came to confront me at school. I was supposed to go and see her the night before. I knew what she wanted to do. What she wanted to give me. I couldn't take that from her. I would of killed her. Why she couldn't be more conscious of that I'd never understand. Didn't she know that loving me would kill her? I remembered watching her that night. She didn't go to sleep until late that night. I snuck around and took everything so that way she wouldn't be reminded of me too much. When she turned the corner and saw me with Tanya, I regretted my decision. At first Tanya and I were just talking. But when Tanya heard Bella walking she launched herself on me. I was stunned beyond words. But I was a coward. I didn't chase after my beloved. I didn't tell her I wasn't cheating that I just didn't think I was strong enough to resist her blood. That would be where Fuckward comes in. Why did I just let Tanya run my moon and my stars out of my life? I knew that I was afraid of taking her life away. The image flashed through my mind more than once. That birthday party of hers at our house when Jasper almost killed her, I thought about turning and doing it myself as well. If I did that I would of went to the Volturi and asked them to put me to sleep.

_**I've found out a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you**_

Me being the lummox I am, I didn't know how much she truly loved me and I her. Not until tonight. When she sang her voice was music to my ears. My ice heart melted. My inner beast raged to take her then and there on the stage. When I made Tanya leave I knew what had to be done. I had to make things right. She would no longer be in pain because of me. I refused.

_**I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with everyday  
And all the pain I put you through  
I wish that I could take it all away  
And be the one who catches all your tears  
That's why I need you to hear**_

I kept singing to her. I hoped it was working. I pleaded I hope that the love I had shown in my eyes. I yearned for her to see that she was the only girl for me. I would always need her. I could no longer deny that. And I wasn't going to try any longer.

_**I've found out a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is You **__**[x3]**__****_

I'm not a perfect person  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know

When I sang out my last lines I beckoned her to come to me. Alice pushed her up onto the stage. Her eyes were brimming with tears. It partially scared me. Damn not being able to read her mind.

_**I've found out a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you**_

I've found a reason to show  
A side of me you didn't know  
A reason for all that I do  
And the reason is you  


I let music fade and looked into chocolate depths. I saw the shy timid beautiful goddess I had fallen in love with. Isabella, Aphrodite had nothing on her natural beauty. Why she chose to grace me with her presence astounded me but none the less I was grateful.

"My Bella, tell me that you will forgive me and I will forever be yours." I begged. I had whisked her outside; the wind blew her scent my way. I inhaled deep. I felt that high I so deeply desired. Jasmine, vanilla and cherries filled my nostrils once more. I knew that my eyes had darkened.

"Forever? As in?" She questioned clearly looking for me to clarify.

"The rest of **your** life Bella." I told her.

"Then no." Was her answer. She ran her hands through her hair pulling it out of her face. I watched her lick her lips and her blood flow through her neck. It took me a moment to realize she had said no.

"W-why not?" I stammered. I searched her eyes. For a moment her face was blank. It seemed like she would be silent forever.

"I want _you_ for **eternity**, silly Edward." It dawned on me what she meant by that. She wanted me to turn her, to make her like me. I didn't think that I would be strong enough to stop myself. I hadn't realized I was standing there with my mouth flapping like a fish until she shook her head and walked to a corner. A cab pulled up and she left. I knew yet again I had made a mistake. _Great job Fuckward! _I knew how to remedy the situation this time. I went back inside, gathered my things and took my leave.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry To Disappoint But This Is Not An Up-Date..I Wont Up-Date Until I Have 7 Reviews….I Have Already Finshed This Fic But I Want Ppl Opinion On It..What They Like And Don't Like What They Would Like More Of I Honestly Don't Mind Ppl saying They Didn't Like It But Don't Be A "Trout-Moufed-Cow" About It…**Yes That Is What I Said****

**TOODLES NOODLES**

**Tabby415**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three**

**A Broken Hearts Decisions**

~Bella POV~

When I arrived home I knew I had to think quick. Especially if I didn't want Alice to catch me. I grabbed my car keys and left. Hopping on the Interstate, I had no clue where I was headed. I just had to run from this pain. It wasn't an ache, it was like a burn. Starting in my heart and spreading throughout my body. I hadn't expected him to be so repulsed by my implication of eternity with him that he would imitate a fish. But that was to be expected. I knew deep down that he didn't want me. He had Tanya. The song he sung was nothing but an apology, a feeble attempt to say _"Can we be friends?" _Foolish Bella! For you to think anything otherwise is laughable!

_**Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.  
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...  
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.  
Oh, but God, I want to let it go**_**.  
**

I felt like there was a cold and immense force tugging at my insides. Edward, ripping my heart out. This was the last time he would hurt me. This rejection hurt like a motherfucker. I would rather feel physical pain. Oh I don't know say the pain of a vampire bite? Now I knew it would never come. I looked up. I was parked in front of Charlie's. How did I zone out for that long? Why was I even here? He was on a fishing trip with Billy for the next few days. I opened the fridge. Nothing as usual. I went into the cabinet and grabbed his forty year old bottle of scotch. Taking a glass and putting ice in it I gulped down two full cups. I walked up the stairs. In my room at my desk was where I found my self next.

_**Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone.  
Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.  
Never wanted it to be so cold.  
Just didn't drink enough to say you love me.**_

Who was I writing to? I noted the several pieces of paper I had. I kept going. Stopping didn't seem like an option. How I was blacking out like this was beyond me. Still, I kept on. My next stop on my trip was the bathroom. I grabbed all of Charlie's medicines. His anti-depressants and sleeping medication: Lithium, Valium. Ever since Erica, his fiancé died in a car accident he had been taking them. I shoved them in my pockets. I grabbed the scotch and drove off. I had an inkling of an idea as to what I was going to do. I wasn't even scared. For once that night I felt like I was at piece. All I knew was if I wasn't with him. If I didn't have him, there was no reason for life. There was no one else who could make me feel alive. So what was the point in even trying? I was dead without him. Might as well finish it.

_**I can't hold on to me,  
Wonder what's wrong with me.**_

Not a moment later was my phone ringing. Alice. When I came to grips with my situation, and made a choice, she knew. I answered. I was on a war path and anyone who got in my way was going to feel my rage my hurt, my sorrows.

_**Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.  
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...  
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.**___

_**Don't want to let it lay me down this time.**__  
_

"Please don't do it!" Alice begged.

"It's set in stone, I was going to die one day might as well be now. You don't know the pain I feel." Was my reasoning. Couldn't she understand that this was unbearable? I didn't want to spend another day existing. Seeing him with another woman. Someone who was his match? I couldn't hold a candle to Tanya. When I fought, I lost so I was going to bow out gracefully. It was graceful in my eyes.

_**Don't want to let it lay me down this time.  
Drown my will to fly.  
Here in the darkness I know myself.  
Can't break free until I let it go.  
Let me go**_

"He loves you! Damnit don't do it! He was on his way to…" I interrupted her.

"Just shut the fuck up Alice. Damn your incessant talking really gets on my nerves!" I hadn't meant to explode and hurt her but I really wanted her to be quiet. By the way she gasped I knew her mouth was going to be quiet, at least for now. I continued. "The only reason I picked up was to tell you goodbye. I love you more than you know, all of you. I'll miss you, and us playing Bella Barbie. Did you know that I actually did like it? When you made me over I felt so good, like maybe I had a chance with him. That he would realize he belonged with me. That she was a plastic little spastic" I giggled at my analogy.

_**Darling, I forgive you after all.  
Anything is better than to be alone.  
And in the end I guess I had to fall.  
Always find my place among the ashes**_.

She was sobbing. I could hear Jasper trying to calm her but to no avail. Rose was yelling don't do it and Emmett was saying he was sorry for teasing me, that he would never do it again if I would just come home.

"He loves you! I know it. Let him come to you and tell you!" Alice should have been an actress. She deserved an Oscar for this one. If only she could cry real tears.

"My alley cat I love you so take care of Jasper and tell Emmett to take care alright?"

"Isabella Marie Swan don't do it. I will turn you myself. Now, where are you?" was Rose's voice.

_**I can't hold on to me,  
Wonder what's wrong with me.**_

Well that caught me off guard. If it was anyone that wanted to protect my mortality and "virtue" it would have been her. It was a ploy, to get me to wait. "There's no point, if I don't have my love I don't want it at all. Eternity without him is too much. I'd end up going to the Volturi to end my pitiful existence. Enough of this, don't make this any harder than this has to be." I was sobbing, I clutched my sides. The burn was taking over everything. I couldn't see or do anything any more. My tears burned my cheeks. I screamed, hoping that it would stop. It raged even more.

"He is on his way little sister just wait for him!" Jasper cooed. For a split second I thought about it.

_**Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.  
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...  
Lithium, ...stay in love with you.  
I'm gonna let it go.**_

"I love you all tell Esme and Carlisle I love them." I hung up. I started my car and drove. When I turned her off I wondered through the woods. I found myself at the same place he told me that he loved me. I sat against a tree and took out the pills. With out thinking I gulped down half the bottle of Valiums next the Lithium. I choked a little this time. The scotch spilled over and onto my shirt. I swallowed it down. I preferred that burn compared to the heartache. I wiped my face in my shirt and tied my hair up. I settled into the tree trunk. I suddenly felt sleepy. I grabbed my I-pod and turned it on shuffle. 'My Immortal' by Evanescence came on. Ironic much? I closed my heavy lids. I imagined him. His panty dropping crooked grin, velvet voice, his icy touch and marble body. How I wished I could feel his touch once more, see his eyes sparkle or watch him play the piano with such grace. Hearing him sing my lullaby would have been the best though.

_**I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone  
**_

_ "Ah my Bella your late! Whatever took you so long?" he was swinging me. I giggled I remembered that time. He sent me on a goose chase, all over Forks. "Your last directions through me for a loop..but.." I was going to finish but I tripped. In a flash he caught me. I felt electricity crackle between us. I looked into his amber depths. He smiled and caressed my face. "Be careful Love, I don't want to lose you…" his lips touched mine. "Breathe Bella." He chuckled against my lips. _

_**These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase**_

_ "Edward I have something that I must tell you" I said standing up straight. I shook off my Edward induced haze and bit my lip. "Yes? Don't ever be afraid to speak your mind. It drives me crazy when you don't." He answered. We sat down against a tree. For a moment I was quiet silently gathering the courage to tell him. "I love you. I mean it with every fiber of my being I can't do a thing without you crossing my mind." I blurted out. He didn't look at me right away I got scared and felt my tears build up. _

**  
**_**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me**_

_ I went to bolt but he caught me with ease. "Where were you going Isabella?" He asked touching my cheek. I didn't answer I just looked away. He pulled my chin up as my tears fell. His honey colored eyes went wide. "Oh my Bella, my beautiful, beautiful Bella don't you know that you're my life I would give anything I had to see your smile?" He said with a grin. Without another word he kissed me._

_**You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me**_

I felt light like I was floating through air. My hair was flowing all around me. This must be it. "Don't you dare die on me. You hear me? Isabella Marie Swan! I need you! Don't go." I knew that the Lithium I had taken was in effect. One of the side effects was hallucinations. So for Edward to truly be there begging me not to go was my subconscious thoughts. My self deluded thoughts. The burning was gone. The sensations that enveloped me now was that familiar tingle; that electric tingle. The only way to describe that was Edward. That was the same sensation I felt when he slept next to me in my room. When he snuck up to my room, my dark Romeo.

_**These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase**_

"Why Bella? Why would you take your self from me? Don't you know that you're my life now and without you I will end my own? This is all my fault! I'm terribly sorry love please open your eyes and say that you will forgive me!" I tried to open my eyes. They were too heavy. Like I had weights on them, on my whole body. I tried to fight it. Why would I choose to fight the one thing that I begged for? Because I loved to put myself through that torment; a sucker for pain.

_**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me**_

I hoped that it was him. I felt like I was running. Was he running? He couldn't have been, I wasn't feeling the familiar feeling of the wind being blown through my hair. All the noise I heard seemed to be so far away and almost like I was under water.

The screeching of tires and clanging of metal. My eyes flew opened, as I was flung out of the car. I skidded across the pavement, but I couldn't feel it now, all I saw was Edwards Volvo. What was left of it wrapped around a Chevron gasoline truck.

_**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along**_

I saw him run for me. "Bella! Love just hold on." He sobbed. The sharp pain rang through my body. I saw that I had a part of the windshield through my abdomen. He hovered above me. Not completely sure of how to help. "Ahhhhhhh! Edward!!!" My cries snapped him into reality. "This will hurt but I promise I will make it all better. Just be strong my love. Strong for me." Edward said kissing me. My breath caught as I inhaled his scent. The chill of his lips subdued some of the pain I felt as he pulled the glass out of me. He winced and continued to kiss me as I screamed in agony. I writhed and pulled on his shirt. "Make it stop. Please Edward, make…it." The last thing I felt was Edward kissing my neck.

_**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me**_


	5. Chapter 5

****THIS IS THE LAST CHAPPIE..I WANNA THANK EVERYONE FOR READING!! UNFORTUNATELY I AM HAVING WRITERS BLOCK SO I AM NOT STARTING ANYTHING UNTIL I HAVE A GOOD ENOUGH IDEA...BUT NEVER FEAR..SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN SOON..I CAN FEEL IT..ONCE AGAIN THANKS FOR READING...REVIEW PLEASE..LET ME KNO IF YOU LIKE IT LOVE IT HATE IT..CONSTUCTIVE CRITISISM IS ALWAYS WELCOME****

**TABBYCAT415  
**

Chapter Four

~Ewards POV~

_**This world will never be  
What I expected  
And if I don't belong  
Who would have guessed it  
I will not leave alone  
Everything that I own  
To make you feel like it's not too late  
It's never too late**_

When I got the call from Alice about Isabella going to kill herself I pushed my car harder then I had before. I caught the scent of jasmine, vanilla and cherries. It was faint. Like she had passed through "Alice tell me where is she" I screamed .Her pause seemed like an eternity. "Its not certain. I see her at Charlie's then the woods in a meadow? I'm not sure where the meadow is…" I hung up on Alice. I knew what meadow she was talking about. I switched lanes and cursed the drivers that decided to follow the speed limit. "Bella my love don't leave me yet. I need you . I love you"

_**Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late  
**_

When I got to the dirt road I barely parked my baby and ran for all I was worth. In seconds I picked up her scent and found her. In our meadow. My eyes scanned the area when they landed on her, Isabella was perched against a tree. Even then she was beautiful. Her alabaster skin with an unearthly glow as the moon fro above shone. Her lips red. Like she had been biting on them in thought. Her cheeks were irritated from her tears. I saw two buds in her ears and knew it was her I-pod. I could smell the alcohol and what ever substance she took. She looked peaceful. Like she was welcoming death. _'Screw that shit… Not if I can help it. It's not too late.. It's never too late!' _I thought angrily. I thought about sucking the poison out of her system. _'No she has taken to much I would kill her before I got I did any good.' _I picked her up and ran to my car. I felt her moving slightly. "That's it baby fight it. Don't you dare die on me. You hear me? Isabella Marie Swan! I need you! Don't go" Placing her gently into the passenger seat I took off for the hospital. I know that taking the car is slower but how would I explain running to a hospital 30minutes away? 'Damnit!' I scream frustrated. I swerved back and forth passing driver. "Move the fuck outta my way!" I roared. I looked at the speedometer 110mph and still climbing.

_**No one will ever see  
This side reflected  
And if there's something wrong  
Who would have guessed it  
And I have left alone  
Everything that I own  
To make you feel like  
It's not too late  
It's never too late**_

I checked on Bella, her heart rate was dropping, her breathing was uneven shallow. I felt like I was losing her. If I couldn't save her I would have been lost. Eternity with the guilt of killing my soul mate was to much to think of. To much to handle "Why Bella? Why would you take your self from me? Don't you know that you're my life and without you I will end my own? Don't you know that it is you that has my heart? This is all my fault! I'm terribly sorry love please open your eyes and say that you will forgive me!" I was angry. Angry that she would think to pull this stunt. Angry to think that she wouldn't live, breathe or be clumsy anymore. To think that I wouldn't she her beautiful blush. It was unbearable.

_**Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late  
**_

A sob rang through my body and I gripped the wheel tighter. I was determined to save my precious Bella. I honked, pleading for drivers to get out of my way. When I hit the turn off that lead toward the main freeway I drew a breath, a sigh of relief. I knew that I was almost there.

Quicker then I could have imagined the gasoline truck going the opposite direction lost control. I tried to swerve but the damn car didn't make it. We collided. I tried to protect Bella but she flew from my arms and skidded on the asphalt. I kicked the door from my car and ran to her with my inhuman speed. I looked her over. Blood was everywhere. My eyes turned black with bloodlust. 'No! My love I will save you!' I said fighting my beast. He fought me tooth and nail trying to take her last breaths, but in the end I won over. I screamed in agony. It was pouring like a waterfall. Cherries vanilla pure untainted "Bella Essence".

'_You can save her' _I immediately pushed the thought away. I still had to try. To save her humanity.

_**The world we knew  
Won't come back  
The time we've lost  
Can't get back  
The life we had  
Won't be ours again**_

She had a piece of the windshield embedded in her stomach. Her screaming and writhing in pain snapped me back to reality. I knew I had to get the glass out of her. "Ahhhhh Edward" Were her cries. I pulled her to me. For I knew that she didn't have too much longer. . Now we didn't stand a chance for her even if I did run to the hospital. Rage coursed through me. Angry at the damned driver. I hoped he was dying _**-slowly**_- I now had to make the hardest decision Option Number One: Let her die, Option Number Two: Turn Her "Shush my sweet. It won't hurt you for too much longer. I promise you baby." I cooed. "This will hurt but I promise I will make it all better. Just be strong my love. Strong for me." She nodded and grabbed onto me. Holding on as tight as she could. I kissed her as I pulled the glass from her. She screamed again and I winced, for her pain went through me as well. Tears streamed from her chocolate pools. They were getting duller by the second.

_**This world will never be  
What I expected  
And if I don't belong**_

'_Change her! It's the only way! Save Our Beloved!' _That traitorous thought popped up again. Should I? Would she still love me? Once my venom flowed through her veins that would be it. No turning back this time. Her choking on her blood made me sob once more. Her life force seeping through even though I was holding her wound. She was shaking violently with seizures from the pain and no doubt the medication she had taken. "Make it stop. Please Edward… Make.. It" her pleas cut through me. "I truly hope you will forgive me My Isabella." I said wailing. I kissed her softly and inhaled one last time. The venom pooled in my mouth and I bit her wrists… her ankles and finally Bella's neck. I picked her up and walked away as the truck and the remnants of my car blew up.

_**Even if I say  
It'll be alright  
Still I hear you say  
You want to end your life  
Now and again we try  
To just stay alive  
Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late**_

When I arrived home, everyone was waiting for me. They looked upon Bella - limp in my arms. Alice screaming and falling to her knees, Rose falling into Emmett's chest and Esme sobbing. Jasper couldn't calm anyone, for he too, was filled with despair. Carlisle came to me and tried to take Bella from my arms I growled pulling her tighter. When I gazed upon her lifeless face I broke into dry sobs once more. It felt like my dead heart was being ripped apart and burned. My guilt had taken over, I fell to the floor with her in arms. Esme held onto me as Carlisle took her from me. I couldn't believed I had failed her. My venom wasn't quick enough. She was gone. I let her die. In a rage I pushed Esme away and tore away from the house. Running into the forest I pounced upon the first thing I saw. Coyote. Milking it dry I moved on in hunt of larger game. The next was an elk then a mountain lion the last was a bear. Not satisfied I kept going.

_**Maybe we'll turn it all around  
'Cause it's not too late  
It's never too late (It's never too late)  
It's not too late  
It's never too late**_

The only thought that I had now were _I was too late, I didn't make it. _When my guilt swallowed me I fell to my knees. The agony that tore through me was the strongest feeling I had ever come across. This was all my fault. My angel, my sun my reason for anything was gone. I pounded the boulder in front of me until it was nothing but fine gravel. I tore trees up from their spots and swung them with all my might. _Why?! We were supposed to be together. This is all my fault. My love forgive me._ I looked up into the clouded sky. Thunder boomed and lightning lit up the sky. The rain fell harder pelting me. The weather mirrored me perfectly; tormented, Angry.

~~**Carlisle POV**~~

I watched Edward run from the house. Alice helped Esme up as I took Bella's body to the dinning room. I took my time making sure I spared no expense on Bella. I cleaned her up slowly shaking off the pain that I felt. I wanted to break down as well but knew that when Edward came back I had to be strong for him. I looked over her pale frame, her wet clothes clinging to her cold body. I stitched up the wound in her stomach and wiped the blood up.

It was early the next morning when I looked away unable to take the sight of her dead body any longer. "Alice dear, could you…"

"_Mmm…"_

I couldn't believe it. It was faint like it was miles and miles away. I searched for a pulse, but found none. I put my head to her cold frame, No heart beat. Just the feeling of her hard marble body as it laid stone still on the table. I stepped back utterly confused. I knew that when you were in shock of a loved one you would imagine hearing them- that they weren't truly gone. My ramblings stopped. _Marble. _Was she? Did he make it in time?

This time she moved. "Alice!" I called again. She came a moment after her frame sagging. _Mourning. _"Sweetheart. Get her some other clothes.." I was cut off by an intense scream, Bella's scream. Alice's eyes widened in shock. "She's…" Her voice trailed. All I saw was my daughter shaking in pain. She was turning. Jasper came in followed by Rose, Emmett and Esme. "Who screamed?" Jasper asked. Then again- Bella answered for herself. "Fuck it burns!! Get it out of me!" Bella cried. "Alice take her to the tub and lay her in cold water." I directed and she did as I asked. "Please. Make it STOP. I can't take it!" Bella shook with all her might. Alice held onto her then she laid her down in the bathtub and turned on the cold water. "Help me Rose!" Alice called. She and Rose got into the tub with Bella and held on as she thrashed. "I'll stay with them. Go Find Edward." Esme said looking into my eyes. I nodded and with a quick kiss I left.

_**Cover my eyes  
Cover my ears  
Tell me these words are a lie  
It can't be true  
That I'm losing you  
The sun cannot fall from the sky**_

I quickly followed his fading scent and found him, he sat there in a meadow the sun is shinning on him as he stared blankly at a blue flower. "Bella.." He whispered turning the flower in a circle.

_**  
Can you hear heaven cry  
Tears of an angel  
Tears of aaaaaaaa...  
Tears of an angel  
Tears of an angel.**_

"Edward…" I called from my place behind him. Turning his head slightly towards me he gave his acknowledgment. "She's alive son." I whispered in a joyous sob. The flower dropped from his handas my words sinking in.

"W-what?" He asked turning vacant eyes upon me.

"She's alive son. Bella lives."

"No." He said in a disbelieving whisper.

_**  
Stop every clock  
Stars are in shock  
The River will flow to the sea  
I won't let you fly  
I won't say goodbye  
I won't let you slip away from me**_

He stood and then paced going over it in his mind. Shaking his head he turned to me. "Her heart stopped, my venom didn't work."

"Her heart never stopped. It was too slow and low for even us to pick up. The venom did work; she's burning as we speak, Edward."

"No, she's gone Carlisle. She's gone." He all but yelled.

_**  
Can you hear heaven cry  
Tears of an angel  
Tears of aaaaaaaa...  
Tears of an angel  
Tears of an angel.**_

_**  
**_I grabbed hold of his arm and ran us home, he wretched free and growled at me his back to the house.

"Damn it Carlisle, she's gone, let it go!"

"Edward…" I whispered staring into his pained eyes. _How could I make him see the truth? _I smiled then, seeing the answer.

_**  
So hold on  
Be strong  
Everyday on we'll go  
I'm here, don't you fear**_

~Edward's POV~

"Edward…"a sweet voice called from behind me.

_Could it be? _"Bella..?" I whispered my brow creasing in confusion as I turned around.

_**  
Little one don't let go  
(ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh)  
Dont let go  
(ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh)  
Dont let go  
(ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh)  
**_

There in front of me stood my beautiful singer, Isabella._**  
**_

"Bella…" With my vampiric speed I stood before. I looked into her ruby red eyes I inhaled her scent and kissed her for all I was worth.

_**Cover my eyes  
Cover my ears  
Tell me these words are a lie**_


End file.
